Relationships don’t usually end because of one argument, but there’s one phrase that could totally wreck things, says relationship expert Mark Travers. In his column for CNBC, he explains that it’s not the argument itself that’s the issue — it’s the hurtful words used during it. The phrase “Why can’t you be more like [insert someone else’s name]?” is one of the most damaging things you can say.
This “death-by-comparison” phrase is toxic because it makes your partner feel like they’re not enough. Whether you’re comparing them to an ex, a friend’s partner, or even a past version of themselves, the message is clear: “You’re not doing enough to be my partner.” That hits hard and can make someone question their self-worth and whether they’re living up to expectations.
The problem isn’t just the words, though — it’s often a sign of deeper issues. Travers says that when couples can’t communicate openly and honestly, they resort to hurtful comparisons instead. If you feel emotionally safe with your partner, you should be able to express your needs directly without feeling judged.
Instead of using that toxic phrase, try reframing the conversation. Travers suggests saying something like, “I know we both get frustrated sometimes, but it would mean a lot to me if we could speak kindly to each other.” Or, “It’s hard when our arguments escalate quickly. I’d love for us to stay grounded together during tough moments.”
Healthy relationships are all about clear communication and mutual respect. Avoiding comparisons is a simple way to build a stronger, more supportive connection with your partner.
Source: New York Post
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